Self perception

I don't know how clearly I see things sometimes.
I think that I am a very optimistic, give people the benefit of the doubt, find the silver lining kind of person. Yet, somehow not with myself. I am the one person I am the hardest on. I tell myself and others lies about me to get out things that are hard or uncomfortable. I tell these lies so much that I start to believe them. Most of the time they are just flat out not true!

Growing up there were a lot of things in life that came easy to me, and there were a lot that didn't. Many of the things that I did well I continued to put my time and energy into. I have always been very creative and artistic and worked well with my hands. I have strong communication skills. I loved hair, makeup and fashion. Well I went out and found a career that utilized all those skills! Which I am so very lucky for. Not many people can do what they love and love what they do. I know I am very talented, but sometimes those lies creep up in that area too. It's so easy to have self doubt.

I do believe I am an intelligent person. I have always done well in school. Then why are there so many things that I don't give myself credit for knowing or understanding? Such as News and Politics. The truth...I don't try! If I don't know about it, I can shrug, laugh, and say "I don't know" and not have to talk about. Then I don't have to take the chance of saying something stupid. Lately I have been listening and paying attention to what is going on and at times have expressed my opinion. Well, when the opinion wasn't the same as with the person I shared it with, I was then told some of my own lies. "Where did you get your info from E! news?" (the only news I claim to watch) and "You're not even registered to vote!" I wasn't, but I am now! Even if I was not, does that mean I don't have a right to my opinion!?

Sports and Athletics...oh my nemesis! I don't even go there! I look back and realize I never even tried. These are not things that brought me joy and pleasure only pain and ridicule. If you are made fun of for the way you run, are you going to run more so you can get faster and better...NO! If you were never taught the rules and explained the sport do want to sit and watch it...NO! I am very tall so of course coaches would always approach me in school. I would laugh it off and say "Well you haven't seen me play!" the truth is I've never seen me play!

Where did these lies come from? All we have to go on is what we are told by others. Starting with our parents. I realize as I write my strengths and weaknesses, they line up with what my Mom would say of herself. We are so much alike in so many ways. I think these lies were passed down to me, not because they were true, but because that is all she knew. She was told the lies that I now tell myself.

The truth is that you really can do anything you set your mind to, but you have to make a choice. To keep learning, to keep trying, even in the areas that don't come easy. Then rewrite the things you tell yourself. Give yourself credit for the achievements you've made. No one can be great at everything, but you should do you're best at whatever you do.