Enough already!

I feel like I have been having to deal with one major thing after another! Last year it was financial things that made me crazy broke. Broken arm and missing 2 months of work was the major thing. Then taxes. Then the air conditioner goes out in June of course! So I am now drowning in debt! Financial stress always sucks! Business is good but can I ever make enough to catch up!? 

Now my Mom's health is deteriorating. She was diagnosed with a lung disease about 8 years ago and has been dealing with that ever since. For many years she was still functioning very well. She has been on many harsh medications that on one hand are saving her life but with so many bad side effects are killing her at the same time. I think because she has done so well for so long we kind of forgot she was sick. Then a couple of months ago we started to see some milestone changes. Starting with her being on night oxygen. The thought of this scared me at the time because it was making it real. Plus we were told that she may be able to work much longer. I couldn't imagine my Mom being at a state where she could no longer work. I was worried about this coming in the next couple years but much to my dismay it's only been a matter of months and it's to that point. She now has to be on oxygen 24/7 which is a very clear and obvious reminder of how sick she is. It's so hard to see her like that. The Dr has now told her that she would consider her disabled if she wanted to stop working. Which of course she doesn't because she loves her job and I think she will be very sad if she couldn't work. Her Dr would also like for her to see someone about a lung transplant. She is against this idea. She says she is ready to die.... we are not ready for her to! She says there will always be milestones in our life that she will miss out on, but we want her to be here for as many as she can! I don't know if we are selfish for wanting her to do this or if she is for not considering it!? So my sisters and I have encouraged her to at least go and find out the information so she can make an educated decision. She had at least agreed to go talk to them. All of this is just a reminder of how precious life is and how we never know how much time we have. 

So if I wasn't stressed enough by this, now I am having stomach problems. I spent last weekend in the hospital being poked, probed and prodded. (my arms look like I am a heroin addict) Only to find out it was internal hemorrhoids. I am not really satisfied with that answer because I think there is more than that going on. So I am going to see my Dr for follow up and I can ask my questions then.  Until then I am trying not to stress about it! (yeah right!!) It's a vicious circle because this is all probably brought on by stress but then how can I not stress when this is going on!? UGH!!